Shan't We Tell The Vicar?

Thoughts, stories, and titles for imaginary BBC shows from Mara Wilson.

A Substack newsletter by Mara Wilson

Thoughts, stories, and titles for imaginary BBC shows from Mara Wilson.

My Secret to Productivity

(Spasibo, Nadezhda)

Do you often have trouble getting yourself to do things you don’t want to do? Well, I’ve found a special method that works for me! Next time you need some motivation, try this:

Think of Elizabeth Jennings from The Americans yelling at you to do it, and you will do it.

Feeling nervous about jumping into the pool because the water may be too cold?

Think of Elizabeth Jennings yelling at you to do it, and you will do it.

Putting off that thing you should be writing because you’re scared it might not be good?

Think of Elizabeth Jennings yelling at you to do it, and you will do it.

It works. Bozhe moi, does it work. Mind you, I don’t admire Elizabeth Jennings, or sympathize with her. I know she’s a murderer, many times over. I know she doesn’t give a shit about anything other than rodina. I also know that nothing gets me in the mood to do the dishes faster than thinking of explaining to trying to explain to her that I’m not in the mood, and her responding, “Well, then you get yourself in the mood!”

It’s possible might be more susceptible to this because I come from a line of stern, angry Eastern European and Russian women who yelled a lot. (An Eastern European nurse with freezing cold hands took my vitals last week, and I felt a flood of nostalgia.) I’d like to think it’s universal, though if you can think of any other characters that, despite themselves, strike fear and motivation into your heart, feel free to share! As it stands now, all that stands between me and disappointing myself is the thought of Keri Russell’s beautiful, furious, throbbing forehead vein.

Stuff I Did This Week: I’m happy to announce that with the help of Penguin Books and The Roald Dahl Foundation, the amazing 2000 Libros will be delivering copies of Matilda in Spanish to the migrant children held in detention centers at the border. I’ve also been donating to RAICES and other organizations to help them, but this felt like the least I could do. You can support 2000 Libros, too: check out their wishlist!

Fake BBC Show Title of the Week: Effin’ and Geoff-in’ (SYNOPSIS: Knockin’ about with a foulmouthed Northerner named Geoff)

Thoughts, stories, and titles for imaginary BBC shows from Mara Wilson.