Hello, crows.
People say you won’t read this, but I don’t know if I believe them. You can do all sorts of things. You can recognize numbers. You can make tools. You hold funerals. Who’s to say that you can’t also access the internet?
I read a story a few years ago about a little girl who had befriended several of you, and it made me want to be friends with you, too, in that desperate way you feel when you want to be friends with someone cooler than you. (Though it was a little weird to read that you eat chicken nuggets. Birds eating other birds! But then, humans are mammals, and most of us eat other mammals.) Becoming your friend has become very important to me.
Some people will say “Crows? Really? But they’re so mean to other birds!” or some other such slander. Each time I will defend you with the of a ferventness of a girl in a Shangri-Las song, because I know you’re good-bad, but you’re not evil. You’re loud and take up a lot of space, despite your small stature, which immediately makes me like you, because, well, same. I also know you hold grudges, and I do, too! I try not to, but I do. On a superficial level, we would look good together; I’m pretty gothy. (Anna thinks she is more of goth than me, but she is wrong. Everyone knows she is much more capital-R Romantic, possibly Art Nouveau, with a definite flower child aesthetic and general manner. I, meanwhile, was a creepy young girl who grew up to be an adult who still wears all black even in Southern California.)
What’s in it for you? Well, I spill things a lot, especially food. I’m extremely clumsy, and also have very small hands, so cannot help but drop things. I would be of great use to you, as things frequently escape my grasp and end up on my shirt or the floor. (My bra, after a movie, contains as much popcorn as boob.) And I just happen to have a lot of your favorite foods in stock: nuts, seeds, eggs, berries, cat treats. A smorgasbord!
You could also help me. I’ve met a lot of people in my life, but I can’t remember all of them. I’m not always the best with faces. You would come in handy there, because you all are apparently great with faces, and remember everyone. You could tell me who we’ve met before, and is OK, and who we should avoid. I also feel like you’ve gotten the short shrift in human culture for a long time. Yes, you have the movie The Crow, but it’s really ravens that have more of a reputation, what with Poe and being an omen of death in like twenty distinct cultures, and all. You could use some more attention. I don’t have the biggest platform, but I am very popular with bisexual librarians, and that’s a start.
I know you may be slow to trust me, because many humans just want to use you for the cool things you’ll bring. But while I do love giving gifts, I don’t really care much for receiving. I’d rather not get presents at all, unless they really mean something — and yours would really mean something. And honestly, I’m slow to trust as well, so I’m happy to take things as slowly as you’d like.
Yes, it’s weird to appeal directly to someone about why they should be friends. But one thing I admire about you is your boldness, and I figure being upfront might gain me some respect. That, and putting Temptations treats out for you. So let me know. I’ll download the Crow Sounds app my friend Chris Fleming told me about, and we can see what happens.
Love,
Mara
P. S. Anna is now insisting that I am more “1980s goth,” while she is more “1880s goth.” I defer to your goth expertise, and would appreciate if you could help us settle this matter.
Fake BBC Show of the Week: Deadly Apiaries!
Stuff I Did This Week: A lot of interviews for Showbiz Kids, which is out now on HBO Max! I also had the chance to record some V/O, but I can’t say what it’s for yet. You’re going to have to stay tuned!
Tomorrow is my birthday, and all I want for it is consider buying something to help my Miry’s List family! Miry’s List helps resettled refugee families get what they need to live here. The Akakhil family has recently come from Afghanistan with three young boys, and you can help welcome them with a housewarming gift!
For the Birds, or Why a Crow Should Be My Friend
Speaking as a bisexual librarian, I'm on board with bringing more attention to crows. Also, I think the key measure of being an 1880s goth is how well you could picture that person in a haunted Victorian house.
Happy Birthday Mara And Happy 20th Anniversary To Thomas And The Magic Railroad!!!
And Stay Safe Out There:)