Conversations With My Sister #3

Anna Owns Me, Then Herself, Then Me Again

ANNA: What’s “an offer he can’t refuse” from?

ME: It’s from The Godfather. You haven’t seen The Godfather?

ANNA: No. (Beat) Man, I feel like I haven’t seen anything! There are always all these references I don’t get, all these things I feel like I missed out on. You know?

ME: Well, if you’d like… I know a little bit about film, and I dated an NYU film major for three years. I could make you a list of good classic films to watch!

ANNA: Nah.


ANNA: Throw me a cookie?

ME: (Throws a fresh-baked chocolate chip cookie across the room to Anna)

ANNA: (Catches it perfectly)

ME: Wow, nice catch!

ANNA: Yeah, I have good refl--

ANNA: (Immediately drops the cookie onto the carpet)


ME: Do you think Brie Larson might date women?

ANNA: What? No. She seems very straight.

ME: You don’t think she gives off a kind of vibe?

ANNA: I don’t think she does at all.

ME: I mean, she probably has a boyfriend, but I feel like—

ANNA: —No, you don’t. You just secretly wish that she were into women so you could convince yourself that you could actually have a small chance at dating her, instead of just having a hopeless crush on a straight famous actress.

ME: (Says nothing, but contemplates how very out of my league Brie Larson is and always will be, and also if it is possible to divorce a sister)

ME: What about Tatiana Maslany, though?

Fake BBC Show Title of the Week: It’s Always Sunny in Bristol