On the Care and Keeping of Creepy Young Girls

I do not fear Creepy Young Girls. I fear most things, but I do not fear the Creepy Young Girls. I accept them. I don’t know that I was ever one of them, but I was an “intense” child, and they are similar, if not quite the same. Thus I feel a kinship with them. I can’t say I understand them, of course: no one can ever really, completely understand them.

It’s important to note that Creepy Young Girls are not Bad Seeds. Bad Seeds often pretend to be normal, to be sweet little children, so they can get away with more. Creepy Young Girls don’t care about getting away with things, as their rules are not your rules, and they cannot pretend to be anything other than what they are.

Creepy Young Girls will immediately judge you by the way you treat animals, children, and anyone of a “lower status.” Even if you don’t mistreat these people in their company, they will know. They will know, and they will choose whether or not you are to be trusted. Their trust is a precious thing, and can be taken away at any time. Their sense of justice is a strong thing, even if it doesn’t always look like ours.

You must know you cannot really be friends with the Creepy Young Girls. What is your friendship to them? The companionship you offer is nothing compared to what they might get from the rats, or the bats, or the corvids.

Creepy Young Girls are sometimes not girls at all, but Creepy Young Children. They are almost never Creepy Young Boys, which are a different breed altogether and require a different set of rules for care and keeping (and there are many subgroups there, with different requirements). But you will sometimes meet a Creepy Young Child who has the characteristics of a Creepy Young Girl.

You generally do not need to fear letting a Creepy Young Girl into your home, but fears of vampirism aren’t entirely unfounded. Probably the first tip-off is the way they talk: Creepy Young Girls speak rarely, and with with an innocent wisdom, whereas grown vampires who look like young girls speak like adults. Try asking them a question. If you’re feeling daring, offer your finger or palm and see if they bite it. If they do, tell them you are sorry, but they have to stay outside.

If you have a Creepy Young Girl in your home, you must forgive her when you awake in the night and she is awake, has not slept, perhaps has never slept. It may be startling, but just will make them tea, a special blend you can never seem to find in the daytime. They will hold it and perhaps sip it, but never drink it fully. Their dark eyes —which are always dark, even if they are lightly-colored—will seem to glow in the dark.

Creepy Young Girls do love to play, though it may not look like what you and I would call play. It is often more like “observing.” It may look more like they are performing experiments, or whispering into a mirror. It may look like flying a kite at night. It may involve fire. You may need to set some boundaries with them regarding fire.

Some Creepy Young Girls fear death, some find it beautiful; all are obsessed with it. A Creepy Young Girl will probably predict your death at least once. This prediction may or may not be accurate. As a cautious person, I would say it’s probably best to heed their warnings, just in case, if it seems to be a situation you can avoid. Take the prediction for what it is, either a sign of affection, or a sign that you’re getting on her nerves.

Most Creepy Young Girls love a garden. They may feel drawn to roses and their thorns, but will more likely love carnivorous plants, or any plant that can defend itself. The whole idea of a garden is fascinating to them, beauty and death and rebirth all at once, all these layers of life, the mushrooms that appear out of nowhere and then are gone as quickly as they came. Also, spiders. So many spiders.

Let the Creepy Young Girl read whichever books she wants to read. Better yet, encourage her to read, and take her to the library. Creepy Young Girls love a library. The books she reads will give her power, it’s true, power far beyond your wildest imaginings, but she will remember forever that you are the one who led her to the books.

Be patient with the Creepy Young Girl as she is discovering her powers. She probably didn’t mean to overload the circuit breaker, and she would never intentionally scare the cat. (The cat only hisses at her for the same reason a cat hisses at another cat they don’t know.)

They may befriend other young girls, they may not. The truth is, most little girls, at some point, secretly wish they could be a Creepy Young Girl.

You cannot change a Creepy Young Girl. At most, you can guide them. The best thing you can do is listen to them when they speak, and take them seriously. There is nothing a Creepy Young Girl hates more than condescension. You will see the fire in their eyes the moment someone deigns to condescend to them.

What will happen when they grow up? None of us can say. Maybe the Creepy Young Girl herself, maybe she knows her future, and it saddens her. Maybe she looks forward to it. But for now, they are who they are, and they deserve to be given respect as is. And plenty of time with the books, the cobwebs, the crows and the ravens.

Stuff I Did This Week: I’m proud to announce that I will be playing a Creepy Young Girl myself later this year on the animated short show Ollie and Scoops!

Fake BBC Show of the Week: Tuesdays at the Cattery