Things I May or May Not Have Overheard Lesbian Moms Gently Arguing About at Disneyland

Or, Disneyland Has Somehow Become Mommi Central, and I Am Here For It

“Alex. Alex! Could you PLEASE tell Freya that she needs to eat more than just the bread in her bread bowl if she wants to go on Dumbo?”

“I just don’t think we should let Chapman go on a ride where you end up in hell at the end, Maria.”

“Sarah, I thought we agreed you’d take Colette and Solomon on the teacups. You know about my bad inner ear, Sarah.”

“No, we can’t get lunch at the Nestle Carnation Cafe, Lila. Mama and Mami love roller coasters, but we don’t love human rights abuses.”

“Jen! He’s getting Dole Whip on his Firewatcher’s Daughter shirt!”

“You want to take Cambric on the Jungle Cruise, Rachel? Do you also want to have the colonialism talk with her now? Because if you take her on that, you’re going to have to.”

“I like the idea of matching shirts, but the Mickey/Minnie dichotomy feels a bit gender essentialist.”

“How do they not have a Doc McStuffins ride?!” 

“Shockley. Shockley, we all love the Evil Queen, but she needs to get back to her queendom, OK? There are other children waiting. Yes, she knows—she knows she’s your heroine. Time to stop the hug, OK? Kayla, see if you can pry him off her.”

“Just pay for the Maleficent magnet and let’s go, Caroline. Unless you want to get stuck in traffic in goddess-forsaken Orange County.”

Fake BBC Show of the Week: A Suit With Stripes On