Things I Wanted to Tweet About Succession But Didn’t

Let it be known that I have watched Succession. I really did not want to tweet about Succession because everybody was tweeting about Succession. Still, I had thoughts, and here are some of them.

  • Alan Ruck doesn’t get enough credit for being great at being weird as fuck.

  • I’ve been hearing a lot about how hot Cousin Greg is and I am sufficiently underwhelmed. I guess the actor that plays him is handsome enough, but really now, give yourselves a little more credit, straight women.

  • A conveniently timed brain hemorrhage! I love a conveniently timed brain hemorrhage!

  • You know you went to a rich kid school when everybody in this show reminds you of someone who wronged you at some point.

  • Kieran Culkin is so good in this that I went to find the supercut of him as Wallace in Scott Pilgrim on YouTube and couldn’t find it and started to panic a little bit

  • Hold up, that’s Eric Bogosian playing the Bernie stand-in? But Bogosian always plays, like… the hot, evil guy! Not your angry Jewish socialist grandpa. Bogosian LITERALLY PLAYED SATAN in The Last Days of Judas Iscariot!

  • …Actually maybe it was just the guy who played Satan in my college’s production of The Last Days of Judas Iscariot who was hot.

  • Everyone on this show is constantly talking and joking about sex, but not actually having sex. Is everyone on this show me in high school?

  • Brian Cox gets more Scottish when he’s mad. We all know how I love accent slips, but I don’t think that counts as an accent slip, because his character is Scottish-born and also he’s BRIAN FUCKING COX

  • Hold up, does everyone on this show sound more Scottish when they’re mad?

  • I don’t know whether Roman’s real name is Roman or if it’s Romulus, but I don’t think he knows, either 

  • Yeah, yeah, Kendall wakes up with the weight of what he’s done on his shoulders, but is that Queen Olivia Colman talking on the radio?!

  • OH OF COURSE THE EXECUTIVE PRODUCER OF THIS ALSO MADE PEEP SHOW EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE NOW

  • OK, so who’s the Mark and who’s the Jeremy? Probably Kendall and Roman, right?

  • I guess he’s supposed to be like Mark’s horrible father, but honestly, in many ways, Logan Roy is Super Hans. His mind is gone, yet he can seem to die, and can’t you see him insisting they re-name Vaulter “Free the Pedos” just to fuck with Kendall?

  • People… like Shiv and Tom as a couple? They don’t even like themselves as a couple.

  • Is Cherry Jones playing a lesbian or not? Look she’s one of the best actresses ever and she can play whomever she wants, but just let me know if she’s playing a lesbian. I always root for the lesbian.

  • I remember my parents saying (when I was at the height of what could be called my fame) that they would love if Holly Hunter could play my mother in something. That would have been amazing! We don’t really look alike, but we are both incredibly short and talk out of the side of our mouths. Honestly though, I am not worthy.

  • (Actually Holly Hunter could have played my mom if I’d been cast in Thirteen, which I did get the script for. But that was never going to happen, both my parents and I were far too prudish at the time, and Evan Rachel Wood positively fucking killed it anyway.)

  • If this really is based on the Murdochs, is Marcia going to have an affair with Tony Blair?

  • OH NO WHAT IF SHE HAS AN AFFAIR WITH BORIS JOHNSON

  • I spent so much time in downtown theater with mysterious backers back in the early 2010s that I’m pretty sure I was in or maybe dramaturged Willa’s play

  • Still not over the Peep Show connection. Someone please make some kind of mash-up, maybe Mark wearing a Daddy’s Number One Candy Baby hat

  • When are Gerri and Roman going to actually fuck? Just kidding, nobody on this show ever actually fucks

  • I was overwhelmed with disgust at the way these people lived their lives for all of the first season and second season, at all the excess. But then for a split second in the season two finale I saw them going down a waterslide off a yacht and I was like, “hey, that seems fun, maybe I’d like to go on a yacht someday,” and now I hate myself. That’s really the beauty of this show, isn’t it?

Fake BBC Show of the Week: Behind the Mustard Curtain

Stuff I Did This Week: I did an interview with the New York Times about child actors who were in Christmas movies! I talked about the the joys and trials of filming Miracle on 34th Street, including a discussion about the wonderful Elizabeth Perkins having to do some impromptu pest control. (She tweeted at me to joke that she remembers there being many pests on that set. Touché, Mom!)