A Completely Unbiased Ranking of UC Mascots

I’ve become reacquainted with the University of California system of late. You learn a lot about them when you grow up in California, especially if you have older siblings. I probably would have gone to one of them myself, if I hadn’t felt desperate to get out of California at seventeen. (You know that scene in Lady Bird, where she moans about wanting to go “where writers come from?” Like that, except instead of breaking my wrist senior year, I sprained my ankle.)

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