I know this question isn't related to your writing here but I wanted to ask a question about something you wrote in your book. You said men have been asking this question... well probably since the beginning of human life on earth and have yet to find the answer. What do women want? Your answer to that was power. I answered this same question a couple weeks ago, but, you and I have totally opposite answers to it. I am curious to know why you have settled on this answer... personally, I believe power is not something most women want or BELIEVE they want. I think it's something a lot of them fear. Like it was genetically programmed into them. Why most men are head of households. Even if women truly do want power, so many would be afraid to even reach for it or have the courage to seize it. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate- our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
I think the popular conception of "power" is too narrow, and often, too tied to masculinity. We think "power" and we think people becoming president or prime minister or a CEO. I don't think most women necessarily want that. But women do want control over their own lives, or over others. Think of the typical answers little girls give when asked what they want to be when they grow up: princesses, teachers, veterinarians, singers, actresses, mothers, even witches. What do these jobs have in common? They give one authority, respect, or both. THAT is power. Women seek power where they can get it, and as they have been denied power in the traditional masculine ways for most of history, they've gotten creative.
You have a pretty solid point there. I settled upon my answer of this question based of a somewhat narrow level of experience. My sister in 10 years younger than I and I raised her when I was left as all she had. Then I spent the rest of my life dating women. No matter how different of a person each one was, they all had one thing in common- what they all truly wanted at heart. It wasn't the first time I was asked but it was the first time I had a response for the question. What do women want? Well, I think women don't know what they want at all lol we women are pretty damn complex. We seem to reject most labels and attempts to define us. For my sister, I could see power being a valid response for her. She is 100% a Slytherin but also has all the Ravenclaw qualities I instilled in her. Her having so little control over everything in her life growing up, I think she desires having control and free will above anything else. Then, I have seen that so many women can more easily come to terms with the negative things they see in themselves. Putting themselves down until they find comfort in living in the dark that they close their eyes to avoid seeing the slightest bit of light. If you asked a group of women to write down 10 things they hated about themselves, I think they would all be finished writing in about a minute. Then, tell them to flip to page over and write 10 things they love about themselves. I believe most, if not all, would be stuck on that task for a while. I wonder if all of them would could even complete writing the last task on their own without help. Without constant validation, I think a lot of women have trouble believing in their good qualities. I think it's harder for them to validate themselves because they fear judgment from others who may disagree of say they are conceited. I think they have a harder time convincing themselves because we are our own biggest critics and harshest judge.
My little sister agrees with you though. She also pointed out to me that I did too. For a 17 year old, she has one hell of a memory. Her and I became really close when she was 8 or 9. She was born on my 10th birthday. Our mother was and well still is very bipolar and well... hateful. I wanted things to be different for my sister. I never wanted her to have to go through what I did. So, I promised her I would always be there for her. When I graduated and left for college, it wasn't long before I started getting calls from her and she would be crying telling me how bad things were at home. She told me that I left and abandoned her and I broke my promise when I said I would never leave her. It broke my heart. At that moment, I made a choice that would forever change my life. I asked myself if I had to choose to between bettering my life or hers, which would I choose. I only had to ask myself that question once. The next day, I withdrew from school and I went home. I watched everything I ever worked for vanish. I just knew that no matter what, if i had to choose between her life or mine, I would choose hers every time. Her life meant more to me than any ambition I had. That was the moment I knew what selfless and unconditional love was. Well, she asked me earlier what did I value or seek above all other things. It was a rhetorical question because I knew she already knew the answer to that. I said that I value knowledge and education. She said exactly. Then said "when I was 9 years old, what did you tell me about knowledge?" I smiled because I remembered exactly what I said and happy she remembered it as well. I said "I told you that knowledge was power and that without it, you would be lost and that is was a vital part for any hope of achieving success."
I know this question isn't related to your writing here but I wanted to ask a question about something you wrote in your book. You said men have been asking this question... well probably since the beginning of human life on earth and have yet to find the answer. What do women want? Your answer to that was power. I answered this same question a couple weeks ago, but, you and I have totally opposite answers to it. I am curious to know why you have settled on this answer... personally, I believe power is not something most women want or BELIEVE they want. I think it's something a lot of them fear. Like it was genetically programmed into them. Why most men are head of households. Even if women truly do want power, so many would be afraid to even reach for it or have the courage to seize it. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate- our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
I think the popular conception of "power" is too narrow, and often, too tied to masculinity. We think "power" and we think people becoming president or prime minister or a CEO. I don't think most women necessarily want that. But women do want control over their own lives, or over others. Think of the typical answers little girls give when asked what they want to be when they grow up: princesses, teachers, veterinarians, singers, actresses, mothers, even witches. What do these jobs have in common? They give one authority, respect, or both. THAT is power. Women seek power where they can get it, and as they have been denied power in the traditional masculine ways for most of history, they've gotten creative.
You have a pretty solid point there. I settled upon my answer of this question based of a somewhat narrow level of experience. My sister in 10 years younger than I and I raised her when I was left as all she had. Then I spent the rest of my life dating women. No matter how different of a person each one was, they all had one thing in common- what they all truly wanted at heart. It wasn't the first time I was asked but it was the first time I had a response for the question. What do women want? Well, I think women don't know what they want at all lol we women are pretty damn complex. We seem to reject most labels and attempts to define us. For my sister, I could see power being a valid response for her. She is 100% a Slytherin but also has all the Ravenclaw qualities I instilled in her. Her having so little control over everything in her life growing up, I think she desires having control and free will above anything else. Then, I have seen that so many women can more easily come to terms with the negative things they see in themselves. Putting themselves down until they find comfort in living in the dark that they close their eyes to avoid seeing the slightest bit of light. If you asked a group of women to write down 10 things they hated about themselves, I think they would all be finished writing in about a minute. Then, tell them to flip to page over and write 10 things they love about themselves. I believe most, if not all, would be stuck on that task for a while. I wonder if all of them would could even complete writing the last task on their own without help. Without constant validation, I think a lot of women have trouble believing in their good qualities. I think it's harder for them to validate themselves because they fear judgment from others who may disagree of say they are conceited. I think they have a harder time convincing themselves because we are our own biggest critics and harshest judge.
My little sister agrees with you though. She also pointed out to me that I did too. For a 17 year old, she has one hell of a memory. Her and I became really close when she was 8 or 9. She was born on my 10th birthday. Our mother was and well still is very bipolar and well... hateful. I wanted things to be different for my sister. I never wanted her to have to go through what I did. So, I promised her I would always be there for her. When I graduated and left for college, it wasn't long before I started getting calls from her and she would be crying telling me how bad things were at home. She told me that I left and abandoned her and I broke my promise when I said I would never leave her. It broke my heart. At that moment, I made a choice that would forever change my life. I asked myself if I had to choose to between bettering my life or hers, which would I choose. I only had to ask myself that question once. The next day, I withdrew from school and I went home. I watched everything I ever worked for vanish. I just knew that no matter what, if i had to choose between her life or mine, I would choose hers every time. Her life meant more to me than any ambition I had. That was the moment I knew what selfless and unconditional love was. Well, she asked me earlier what did I value or seek above all other things. It was a rhetorical question because I knew she already knew the answer to that. I said that I value knowledge and education. She said exactly. Then said "when I was 9 years old, what did you tell me about knowledge?" I smiled because I remembered exactly what I said and happy she remembered it as well. I said "I told you that knowledge was power and that without it, you would be lost and that is was a vital part for any hope of achieving success."