Midnight Confession #18: Soaring, Tumbling, Freewheeling

  
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A new installment of my audio series of embarrassing thoughts!

Anyone else have the kind of self-confidence that bounces around like this? It sounds unhealthy, but I think probably a lot of us do this, go from low to high and back again. I figure as long as we can recognize it, and laugh about it, it’s probably fine. I’ve always been of the opinion that you don’t need to be your own best friend, but you do need to be on decent working terms with yourself. You are your own best co-worker.

I really do love Lea Salonga. I love a lot of Broadway actresses, but I think she means a lot to me because of my Filipino stepfamily: she’s considered even more of a national treasure in the Philippines. I found this video of her auditioning for Miss Saigon at 17, and it’s spellbinding. (Anna and I are in a hotel room right now, and she said, “Oh, turn it up! I love this video!”) Yes, I was a child actor, too, but I can’t imagine the kind of talent and drive needed to be that professional a stage actor and singer so young. She has such a pure, beautiful voice. I mean, come on, she’s not just a Disney princess, she’s a Disney princess two times over.

Regarding the title… Get it? Like what my confidence in myself does? Like A Whole New World? Maybe it made more sense in my head. Great, now I’ve lost my confidence again.

Stuff I Did This Week: Came back to the US from London (subscriber post about that incoming!), slept through my jetlag, and then went to New York to meet the winning family of the Matilda 30 Sweepstakes! Anna and I got to have tea with a lovely couple and their two adorable children who’d come to NYC all the way from Essex, UK! It was a true delight.

Fake BBC Show of the Week: Hardboiled, Sweets (How this isn’t a very sexist detective show from the ‘70s about a detective and his femme fatale sidekick “Sweets” is beyond me. Maybe that’s more of an American thing?)

Midnight Confession #17: Why I Haven't Watched Stranger Things Season Three Yet

  
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Another installment of my audio confessions!

I do realize that no monsters, even just for a while, would make it an entirely different show, but you know what? I like realistic teen dramas. I like when people can find the highs and lows in the everyday. Sure, I love a good monster story, too, but sometimes I just want regular kid stuff, with less peril.

This might just be me, though. When I got to the end of the first Harry Potter book as a twelve-year-old, I read the summary for Chamber of Secrets and initially thought, “Does there have to be an ancient curse? Can’t they just have a normal year at school?” I probably was a very boring twelve-year-old, but isn’t magic school exciting enough on its own?

Probably not. One of the cardinal rules of character-driven writing is you’re supposed to focus on the most interesting thing that ever happened to them. It’s much less interesting for kids to have a normal year at school after they’ve fought monsters. Maybe I should see if there’s an edited version, like very strict Christians and Mormons used to have of R-rated movies? Where they just hang around talking and drinking slurpees and Eleven’s nose only bleeds because she tried to make the Eggos come out of the toaster more quickly?

Stuff I Did This Week: I was honored to give the keynote speech at the International OCD Foundation’s annual conference! The IOCDF has given so much hope to so many people with OCD, as well as their friends and family. Sharing my story with such a warm, welcoming, and understanding crowd was truly a privilege. It was also a lot of fun — I might just have to write a subscribers’ post about some of my favorite moments.

I also listed my favorite (or in this case, “favourite”) podcasts for the CBC’s Podcast Playlist! I listen to so many that they actually had to make ANOTHER list of my other favorites. Ever wondered what I listen to? Here’s your chance to find out!

Fake BBC Show of the Week: You Are a Fishmonger

Proust’s Madeleine, But for People Who Grew Up With a Single Dad

Yesterday I made boxed macaroni and cheese. I haven’t made it in a long time, because one of the gifts I got for my 30th birthday was lactose tolerance, but I found a company that makes goat cheese macaroni and cheese that is actually quite good and easier on my nervous Jewish stomach. I mixed in some veggies, because I’m nearly 32 but still need to trick myself to eating vegetables sometimes, and had it for lunch.

But then I did the thing I think makes it best: put it in the fridge, so it could be reheated today. There are few things that taste more like comfort than reheated-in-the-microwave boxed macaroni and cheese.

I honestly think it tastes better that way. I know it sounds gross, but you have to keep in mind how I grew up. After my mother died, my single father had to find a way to feed five kids while also working a demanding job. Neither of my parents had been much for cooking, to begin with — they did like baking, and my dad still makes the best homemade bread ever, but five kids can’t live on bread alone. My dad had to think quickly, and in large quantities. Quality control kind of went out the window: meals were all about what was inexpensive and fast, what would last in the fridge and not taste terrible reheated the next day. And the day after that. And the day after that, unless some of the teenage sons’ friends came over and raided the fridge after school, which they usually did.

Sometimes people will tell me of their food memories, of the thing that sends them into a Proust-ian flood of memories, of their dad’s bolognese or their mom’s curry and how it was the best thing in the world and how they wish they could make it themselves. When they do, I’ll nod politely but say nothing, because I can’t relate. My relationship with food has always been practical. That’s not to say it hasn’t been sentimental, it’s just that the things that make me very sentimental are not the things that one might think.

I don’t know many people who were also raised by single fathers. For those who were (at least, those who also came from a white suburban lower-middle class background), let’s consider these our food memories.

  • Bisquick pancakes — Brunch for dinner? The perfect idea. Eggs are easy to scramble, turkey bacon can be made in a microwave, and it still feels like a novelty to a kid. Eat it in your pajamas and giggle about how you’re breaking routine.

  • Chili — I have not eaten chili in over a year, and it’s still probably the food I’ve eaten more than anything else in my life. It was my Dad’s favorite to make, and one of the easiest.

  • Spaghetti — With sauce out of a jar. I had no idea how people made their own pasta sauce until high school.

  • Spaghetti with chili on top — Best of both worlds! Served with lumpy Bisquick biscuits, of course.

  • Reheated boxed macaroni and cheese The only thing better was when Dad had some time to bake it in the oven with little bread crumbs on top. But that was for special occasions, like birthdays and holidays.

  • Reheated delivery pizza Once my dad left us money for pizza and my brother Jon called for pizza at one place and my brother Joel called for another, neither knowing of the other’s intentions. We ended up with something like four or five pizzas, and my dad ended up with no change.

  • Eleven soft tacos From Taco Bell OK, this just happened the one time, and once again, it was a mistake on my brother’s part: he passed around a paper to take an order, I wrote down two in tally marks, and he misread it. He came home with a huge bag full of cheap tacos. We all laughed, but this being a family of three teenage and preteen boys, they were gone pretty fast.

  • Campbell’s Soup, served out of the giant family size cans —A day’s sodium in every bite, especially when you add mountains of saltines to it, as I would.

  • Stouffer’s, endless amounts of Stouffer’s Two days’ sodium in one bite! I was always angry when my dad made this instead of the good macaroni and cheese.

  • Country Crock — We had butter, too, but it wasn’t really because we needed the Country Crock. It was so we could eat…

  • Something that wasn’t Country Crock, leftover, served out of the Country Crock container — Nine times out of ten? Chili.

  • Homemade pizza made from Bisquick dough, jarred tomato sauce, and cheddar cheese — Maybe some “Cinderella” cheese, too, as I used to call it.

  • Goldfish crackers Never poured into a bowl, but grabbed in tiny handfuls from one of those seemingly endless family-size cartons from Smart and Final.

  • Cheerios and milk, drank out of a cup — Because you’ve got to have a snack while you’re doing your homework in front of the TV, right?

  • The bagged Malt-o-Meal cereals — Always called something like “Coco Rounds” or “Fruit Rings” or something like that. We ate so much cereal and milk in our house that at one time we were going through a gallon of milk a day. My dad would have to scope out the places it was cheapest (usually 7-11, interestingly) and bring home multiple gallons on his drive home from work every day.

  • Cream of Wheat — I can feel my iron levels go up just thinking about it.

  • The ice cream that comes in clear plastic buckets — I could write a book on this stuff. And yes, it is “stuff,” a “frozen dairy dessert” and not “ice cream,” as you will see in the picture. All the flavors taste the same, even when it’s neapolitan and you were supposed to be getting three flavors in one. Moses Storm has a great bit about growing up poor and only being able to eat the bucket ice cream. Oh, the things you could do with those buckets!)

  • Milkshakes made with the ice cream that came in buckets — The only way to make that stuff taste good! My dad’s milkshakes were somehow always fantastic, he might as well have been an alchemist.

  • Slightly freezer burned ice cream sandwiches — They haven’t expired yet, they’ve just been in the back for a while, they’re still good!

  • Moose Tracks ice cream — One of my brothers discovered this at college and brought it back to us when he came home. Since we only had it when he visited, we thought it was very fancy, and would sit around eating massive bowls of the stuff while listening to Fastball’s “The Way” and “Fire Escape.”

  • Betty Crocker’s Cake Mix and Canned Frosting — One of two options for birthdays, the other, of course, being…

  • Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream Cake — Everyone seemed to agree that the best possible combination was mint chocolate chip ice cream and chocolate cake, and with a lot of frosting roses, though one year I had to settle for a white cake with nothing but black frosting. We called it “the funeral cake.” Actually quite fitting for my morose, quasi-goth twelve-year-old self.

  • Slim-fast — Soylent before soylent!

  • Smucker’s Goober Grape or Goober Strawberry — They say it’s a mix of peanut butter and jelly, but it is basically just sugar that you can spread, and we’d have to try to get our babysitter to buy it in secret. We already knew it was a bad thing to eat and our dad wouldn’t approve.

  • The orange juice that comes in a frozen tube — There was a whole routine: let it thaw a little, dump it into the pitcher, fill it with water from the sink (this was before we knew how bad LA water was) get out the weird potato mashing tool and crush it down, stir and drink. Nevermind that we had actual citrus trees in our backyard, this was what we drank.

Things changed after my father remarried: not only did my stepmother like cooking more than he did, but my new step-uncle was a chef. We’d spend lots of time at our cousins’ house eating food prepared very differently, with time and care, and you could tell it was a relief for my dad. Still, I hope he knows how fondly I think of those years, and how I’ll always think of him when I eat something fast, inexpensive, and in large quantities.

Stuff I Did This Week: SPEAKING OF FOOD! I had the honor of being on Christy’s Kitchen Throwback, an amazing and adorable cooking show on Youtube, hosted by Christy Carlson Romano, a.k.a. Kim Possible, Ren from Even Stevens, and a fellow Big Hero 6 villain, Trina! We talked about Matilda and Disney and first kisses and so much more! If you’re feeling nostalgic, want to learn to make a berry tart, or see Christy EAT A BUG, this is the video for you! It’s one of the most fun shows I’ve done in a long time.

Fake BBC Show Title of the Week: Adversary (a crime show that’s been running for something like fifty years)

Midnight Confession #16: Imagine Fun

  
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A new installment of my late-night audio confessions!

Whoa-oh-OH-oh! Music aside, they’re both pretty obnoxious band names. Putting punctuation in your band name so it looks like people are saying “I don’t like fun.” when they dislike your band? Yeah, that’s annoying. (Although, I think by a lot of people’s standards, I don’t really like fun. I’m extremely risk-averse and very bad at enjoying things in the moment. Maybe it’s genetic: someone once told me there’s no word for “fun” in Russian.)

It reminds me of when I was in fourth grade and was really frustrated with my teacher’s insistence that my oral book report have an opening line that “grabbed their attention.” “Hey Dad, how’s this for an opener,” I said to him, “‘FIRE! Just kidding, but now that I have your attention, let me tell you about Ribsy by Beverly Cleary!’”

My dad was taken aback for a second, then, being the champion understater that he is, told me, “Well, that’s not exactly great literature.”

He was right. Instead, I opened by asking if anyone had anyone had ever heard of a dog “talking” on the phone, after a scene where the lost dog was found by a family who recognized him from the signs, called his owner, and let the dog bark over the phone. But I don’t think I did a very good job of explaining it, because when I asked if there were any questions, one kid immediately raised his hand and said, “When in the book does the dog learn how to talk?”

Talking dogs. Now that’s fun.

Fake BBC Show of the Week: Twizzled!

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